Inspiration is dead,
swallowed whole by reality.

Do you ever wonder where wonder has gone?
Who stole our imagination?
And when was value was stripped from virtue?

Tears have flooded the river of empathy
and drowned the innocent boys,
their lanky arms and legs
swept under by the current,
their ruddy cheeks turned blue
from bruises and coldness.
A smile escapes,
awkwardly personal,
all knowing,
ever fading.

I've tried so many times,
to copy and paste my thoughts
onto this stark whiteness.
To bring them to the light of
truth.
To expose my weakness.
Inspiration is lost...

"The first time I saw you
you were chasing down a cyclone
all alone in the field...
I never thought you'd wind up chasing me."

Atomship: Time For People

I found no people for killing time
so I found time for killing people
I found no rhythm I would rhyme
so I'm the rhythm for the people

And if you wait on me
I'll be free one day

Contemplating genocide
upstairs waving, scared of people
Afraid that feeling hasn't died
it gets lonely for my people

And if you wait on me
I'll be free one day

People always drifting out of pain.
They cannot hold onto nothingness
Fingers bleed on the concrete walls
leaving only one nail for someone to see
Only one nail screaming to me
so many fingers pointing at me

I found no people for killing time
so I found time for killing people

Pour a song into my open wounds.
The wounds that do not remember your smile,
the way you laugh,
the exact color of you eyes.

And now I realize that there is no resemblance.

There are no similarities between you
and the face of Jesus.

In this game,
where we agreed to take no prisoners,
I realize that you have captured all my pawns.

The morning is the worst part;
when your absence reminds me
that this is all I ever wanted.
This independence.
This space.

And still you are gone.

Audioslave: What You Are

And when you wanted me
I came to you
And when you wanted someone else
I withdrew
And when you asked for light
I set myself on fire
And if I go away I know
You'll find another slave

And when you wanted blood
I cut my veins
And when you wanted love
I bled myself again
Now that I've had my fill of you
I'll give you up forever
And here I go far away
I know you'll find another slave

Cause now I'm free from what you want
Now I'm free from what you need
Now I'm free from what you are

Then the vision came to me
When you came along
I gave you everything
But then you wanted more

If I had one chance to tell you something,
I'd tell you that everything will be OK.

That pain is only temporary
and if you can just hold on
I'll hold on to you.

That perfect love has no room for fear
so if you'll just trust in me
I will trust in you.

That you have everything you need
inside of yourself
if you could only see how strong you are.

That all I really want is to see you smile
and love yourself
more than you love me.

That I would do anything
just to make it better for you
and disperse this black cloud above you.

That your sadness is killing me
and that when you fall
I stumble

I may not be perfect, but I'm trying. I'm not going to be your angel, so please don't expect me to. If you think I'm too good for you, remember that I am not. I am far from good. I am far from right. I have been to the lowest places and I will never forget that. I'm not even sure if I have risen from them. If you think I'm not good enough for you, you're probably right. But please try not to remind me of how I have failed. I am reminded everyday of how I have failed in almost every regard. I do not need to you make me cry. I know how.

I will not leave without a fight. Your insults will only make me stronger. Your rejection only deepens my faith. Your hate only strengthens my convictions. Though I may have my own demons, I hide them deep inside. They eat away at me slowly and carefully. I will show them to you if you ask nicely...
I have a pain. I have a secret. Maybe a few of them.
I have a core. A core not easily shaken.

If you never knew me, how could you have loved me?

If you never cared to ask about me day, how could you care how I feel?

If you never listened when I told you you were breaking my heart, how could you possibly put it back together?

If you never know where I came from, how could you tell me where I should go?

If you never were there when I cried, how could you dry my tears?

If you never knew about the people that I loved, how could you say that I loved you?

I want to get lost
somewhere deep inside of you.
I want to curl into myself
and crawl into your safety,
into that place
where dreams cannot harm me
and words cannot beat me.
I want to get lost
somewhere in the hollow of
your eyes, in the deep
pool of black that sees
me as I am not.
I want to be the girl you think
that I am
and live inside the world of your mind.
I want
to cast my net around the real
and fish it from my heart.
To forget that I can
and will break
somewhere deep inside of you.

-Kate Gubert

Someday I will wash up upon your shore.
Silently, I will wait for your touch
with a lung full of salt water
turgid

Your fingernails pry apart my jaws:
stiffened from rigor
You scrape your hopes from the crevices in my molars
You dig out your soul from my bloated belly
All the while believing that the past can be
undone

My tongue: swollen
with lies. You will cut it out
My eyes: grey-blue
mirroring the sea that rejected my
body. To where water meets earth
Where self meets body.

I will dismantle you
bone by bone
pealing muscle from ligaments
you fall at my ashen feet

Someday you will wash up upon my shore
where we were meant to be from the beginning of this past
that you still believe can be undone

-Kate Gubert

The perfect job for me (in six years or so)

http://jobsearch.usajobs.gov/getjob.asp?JobID=36620690&AVSDM=2008-12-31+15%3A34%3A23&Logo=0&lid=316&jbf571=8&FedEmp=N&sort=rv&vw=d&brd=3876&ss=0&FedPub=Y&SUBMIT1.x=94&SUBMIT1.y=8&SUBMIT1=Search+for+Jobs

Veterinary Medical Officer

You will have a dynamic, multifaceted role protecting consumers as a Public Health Veterinarian. Your duties will encompass closely planning, organizing, coordinating and adapting the full range of meat and poultry inspection operations in privately owned establishments. As a Public Health Veterinarian, you will ensure that plants meet requirements of the Pathogen Reduction and Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point (HACCP) regulations, as well as overseeing other consumer protection, non-food safety concerns such as proper labeling.

lonely is a dangerous place

sometimes I just want to hate someone

two words that can never be said too often

THANK YOU

SORRY

sometimes I just want to love someone

All I want is everything.

I want shoes that fit me, that don't slip off of my heels or cause blisters on my skin, that have the perfect height and a non-skid sole.
I want someone to talk to, to bounce ideas off of and listen to my opinions, to debate world affairs with and spiritual trials, to complain to when life kicks back.
I want assuring words, soothing words, comforting words, eloquent dreams.
I want knowledge of another culture, to speak it's language, understand it's customs, enjoy it's cuisine and explore it's terrain.
I want to know where my father and his father and his father came from, where they have been and what they learned and how they felt. I want to know who they loved, if anyone at all.
I want the dress and the jewels and somewhere to wear them and someone's arm to lean on.
I want a bedtime that I have to stick to.
I want to be able to help people with more than just my money, to know how to teach and heal and calm and bring peace.

Taylor Swift: White Horse

Say your sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to.
As I pace back and forth
All this time cause
I honestly believed in you.
Holdin' on
The days drag on
Stupid girl I should have known, I should have known.

That I'm not a princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now it's to late for you and your white horse to come around.

Maybe I was naÎve, got lost in your eyes,
and never really had a chance.
my mistake, I didn't know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings, well now I know...

That I'm not a princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your white horse to come around.

And there you are on your knees.
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me.
Just like I always wanted but, I'm so sorry.

Cause I'm not your princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm gonna find someone some day, who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world.
That was a small town, there in my rearview mirror disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your white horse...
Its too late for you and your white horse to
catch me now.

"I ain't settlin for anything less than everything"

I want a man who is worth my time and my energy. Someone who is Catholic and truly follows the Church. I want a man who puts God and Church before me, but nothing else. A man who knows what it is to love and not just what it is to gloat over. A man who can appreciate me not only for my "beauty" but for what my dreams are, what my aspirations and goals are, and my ability to achieve those goals. I want a man who can understand and identify with the way I want my life to go. I do not want a man who will conform to my wishes and fit into my values, but rather one who already embraces the same values and holds the same expectations for the future.
I want a man who knows how to feel, how to cry, how to comfort and how to listen.
Empathy. Compassion. Strength of character, body and emotion. Depth of character.
I want a man who has interests and passions that add dimension to his life. Prove to me that you have a life--because I will not be creating one for you.

IMHO: two of the best voices in country music

Clint Black

Gary Allen

So she is your everything. She is your happiness and joy. Your only one.
Let me tell you something...I've been to hell and back to get you back. And all you can do is think about her, talk to her...she's the only one you can love. After I've prayed so hard and known beyond all doubt that I would do anything for you to just be here with us again; it hurts so much to have someone take you away again. The only difference is that now I have someone to blame. I guess now I am finally used to being thrown over for someone else. So there is no need for pity. My heart can only get so much colder and more resentful. I'm used to not being good enough, no matter how hard I try. So go ahead and go. LEAVE ME and everyone else behind. I hope she's worth it because when she's not you just might find me
gone.

You will lure her.
You will convince her to go to your church with you, to believe what you believe and to stay the night with you.
You speak of the kinds of values that make a family. Stories of fellowship and belonging and oh how she longs to be a part of it all. She stares in awe at your self-love. She wants to be so loved, so self assured.
But I ask you; where is your god? Is it your own words that you preach, or truly those of God?
Where is your humility,
your acceptance of failure,
where is your guilt?
You preach only of your personal Jesus,
not the Most High.
You worship your own god, not the one true God.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough
money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something
perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...


A WOMAN SHOULD
HAVE .
a youth she's content to leave behind....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a past juicy
enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her
old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
one friend who
always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece
of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
eight
matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for
a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a feeling of
control over her destiny..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD
KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit
a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without;
ruining the friendship...


EVERY WOMAN
SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK
AWAY...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her
childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she
would and wouldn't do for love or more...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
how to live
alone... even if she doesn't like it...


EVERY
WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to
go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a
charming Inn in the woods....
when her soul needs
soothing...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a
month...and a year...

-Maya Angelou

Distressing facts of life:
I don't believe that there is any man who wears Calvin Klein Obsession.

I hate those days where you just feel stupid. Days like today and yesterday. Where everything you did in the day was a waste of time. Every word spoken was useless and unheard and your feeling...your emotions...are the most useless of all. And it will all be forgotten by everyone but you...

Days where you feel ignored and yet you feel obnoxious. You don't dare speak because that horrible stench rotting heart will escape from the back of your throat. And you realize that everyone is only interested in anyone else but you. You're lucky if they even reognize your face next week...

Days where you are surprizingly refreshed to find that people are so different. But also dissapointed to find that they are so much more...or less...than what you expected.

Days where the bottom of you chin spoiler scrapes on the last incline in the parking garage.

Days where you think you look good until you look in the mirrior at lunch time.

Days where you wish you had the money that you spent yesterday.

Days where your headaches come back and remind you that you really haven't changed. You are still a selfish, lying, manipulative, emotional, ignorant, immature, slutty bitch and there is always someone to remind you of your failures. It's only for your own good but you can't help but feel bitter afteward and somehow cheated and slighted on the message that you really were a good person. But it's the same story--you've been lied to. For your whole life it's only been one big lie. And how can you find an honest person in the storm of a lie? How can you pull your heart out from it's shell and warm it to the point where it will once again burn with desire? Can an injured heart ever love without fear? Can bitterness ever be sweetened? Can caring be found once it is lost?