HURT: Ten Ton Brick

A ten ton brick was making me sick
Breakin' my bones with the weight of it
The weight would grow with each new soul
Buried fine lies make big, black holes
And who am i supposed to be?
Not like you'd give a fuck about me.
But who am I supposedly?
When I'm finally done.
But I'm finally done with the decisions of my former thoughts
And all that i may have loved
Yeah, i'm finally done with the descriptional
And i don't mind sayin' i'm to blame!
When atlas slipped i lost my grip
Yet, i didn't think it could turn into this
But i was told by two sweet crows
Nobody feels what nobody knows
And who am i supposed to be?
Everything good was taken from me
And who am i supposedly?
I was overcome...
But i'm finally done with the divisions of my former thoughts
Although i may have lost
I'm finally done with the dissention now i don't mind sayin'
I don't mind sayin i'm to blame!
Oh, this ten ton brick would treat me like shit
This little piggy licked others lips
And so defined, who was i
But it won't encumber me.
'cause i'm finally done with the positions of my former thoughts
And all that it may have cost
But i'm finally done with my decisions
Love and now i don't mind sayin'
Don't mind sayin'

I am the one to blame.

Untilted

I like the words you say when you lie to me.
When you tell me that I am wrong,
that my faith holds no meaning,
that I will be good without it.
I am nothing.
If you open your eyes,
you will see.
Open your heart to the possibility,
the fact,
that I am so un-perfect.
Stop feeding the denial in your heart.
Stop believeing what is easy and for once,
entertain the idea that that life does not make sense,
that good is not always the triumphant,
and only death and failure
are certain.

by Kate Caretto

Let me ask you this- Is it worth it to wait for perfect? Is there such a thing? Will I ever find it?

What is ok to compromise on? I don't think I can compromise on what makes me who I am. My passions, my desires, my dreams, my religion; should I expect him to believe in and care about these things, or is it enough for him to tolerate?

And when everyone says that I deserve better, do I forfiet what is "good enough" to search for something better? Is it possible to find someone better?

I don't believe in perfection, I don't believe in human goodness, in the goodness of human nature. Do not tell me that my God is not sufficient, or that He asks too much of me. Do not tell me that I give too much to my God, or that I should ignore the wisdom of my God. Do not tell me where to find happimess, or where I will find fullfillment, or that you are the answer to all my problems. My problems are beyond you, because you do not understand my struggles, my insecurities, my depression. When I try to voice my heart, I am shot down by the storm of your own heart.

You have to love yourself if you ever want to love me.
You have to realize that this is not just about you,
not just about your feelings.
And if this is about eternity...
Fuck that shit.

and it pisses me off beyond belief that you will not even care enough to read this

one more thing to say-

hillary better not win

Why is it that we care so much? What makes people become in-tune with the feelings of others and have it affect us? Sometimes these feelings and emotions of others can completely take over our own emotions that result from inside ourselves. Is it good to be this concerned about others? There must come a point where it will wear a person down, but this point must come at different times for different people. Can emotional overload be compared to a glass that overflows? How much will our concerns help the target person?
And it seems like we never notice when someone cares about us. It's not like money, that can be passed between individuals as payment or a measure of worth. It is invisible, sometimes tradgically unfelt.
And then there is the point of numbness, when we no longer feel the same in response to another's pain. Where it has become an everyday occurance, or a way of life that no longer fights for our attention. When the feelings are so common and familiar.
And the same is true for the reciever of concern, when the support and care is not enough to block out the feelings anymore. The drug has become ineffective, the drink not strong enough.

There must come a point where I really don't care anymore. Where I no longer care what other people stress about, because it makes me stress out too. When I know that there really is nothing I can do. When I know to let go. To stop caring because I know it will just hurt me. When I can stand up for myself and not be brought down by guilt and feelings of failure.

How much personal feelings does the world need? Is it possible to run the world without social capital, without integrity, without debts except for those in concrete froms of measure, without love..., without trust, without sense of family or friendship, or if they exist, that they have no effect on how the world turns, without empathy or sympathy? If we say the world turns on money, there is no reason for values such as these. And it seems that people are losing the values that are not essential to life. (But what about quality of life, you ask, and they will answer; I just need a few more dollars) The road may be paved in gold, but what worth is the journey when there are no flowers (and I don't mean silk flowers) along the roadside? Where will your road of gold lead you?

The Offspring: Gone Away

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can‘t deal it‘s so unfair
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven‘s so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you‘ve gone away
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary‘s
Can‘t bring back what‘s taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven‘s so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you‘ve gone away