Aporia

(in progress)

I’ve spent too long listening, convinced that I cannot sing; that I have no voice. I’ve wasted too much time reading the words of others, imagining that they were my own, so that I’ve lost a belonging to the sound of my own thoughts. I sold them, much too cheaply, to the tune of a chromatic scale and a minor key. I’ve been hidden in words strung together for the sake of a rhyme and drowned out by the overtones. I’m far past the need of a good story, deprived of richly colored literature, pacified by fairy tales and desperately trying to believe in happily ever after. Beauty saturated in words, became deciduous where it was once transient. I’ve been misunderstood, like the freedom of being united and the independence of having someone else protect you. We were washed away with the taste of brine that you became accustomed to. The water washed over me and eroded my mind, fragmenting my imagination, dissolving it with the sands. So the best part of me was lost, deep enough to escape the twinkling spears of moonlit thought.

Kate Gubert

We so often think in life, in numbers.
He's your everything when he's there but
he's only there half the time and
it just doesn't add up.
Working seven days a week but
only forty hours pay and
it just doesn't add up.
One hundred scratches doesn't
satisfy one itch and
it just doesn't add up.
Fool me once, shame on you,
fool me twice, the shame's on me and
it still doesn't add up cause
he's never there, you're overworked and
underpaid, under-praised, and
at the end of a losing game I'm still
in pain made a fool of and...
it just doesn't add up.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine,
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so...