We so often think in life, in numbers.
He's your everything when he's there but
he's only there half the time and
it just doesn't add up.
Working seven days a week but
only forty hours pay and
it just doesn't add up.
One hundred scratches doesn't
satisfy one itch and
it just doesn't add up.
Fool me once, shame on you,
fool me twice, the shame's on me and
it still doesn't add up cause
he's never there, you're overworked and
underpaid, under-praised, and
at the end of a losing game I'm still
in pain made a fool of and...
it just doesn't add up.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine,
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so...

"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. "Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

"In two weeks it'll be the longest day in the year....Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it."

"All right...I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

"He thinks she goes to see her sister in New York. He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive."

"He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

"There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams - not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion."

"Her voice is full of money."

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

-The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Missy Higgins: Where I Stood

I don't know what I've done,
Or if I like what I've begun,
But something told me to run
And honey you know me: it's all or none.
There were sounds in my head.
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end,
Oh, and I found myself listening.

See I thought love was black and white,
That it was wrong or it was right,
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside.

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you.
All I know is that I should.
Cause she will love you more than I could,
She who dares to stand where I stood.

And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call.
You meant more to me then anyone I've ever loved at all,
But you taught me how to trust myself
And so I say to you; this is what I have to do.

In-between Anger and Love

You didn't wake me,
only encroached upon my dreams.
You gave me reason to wish,
only to deny me the stars.

You tell me it's over,
only to ask me to stay.
You say you can not trust,
yet I forgave without apology.

And this I accuse you of:
careless love.
Don't think I don't believe in you,
you only asked me to.

Our Lady Peace: Superman's Dead

Do you worry that you're not liked?
How long till you break?
You're happy cause you smile,
But how much can you fake?
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name,
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Alone I'm thinking
Why is superman dead?
Is it in my head?
We'll just laugh instead.
You worry about the weather and
Whether or not you should hate.

Are you worried about your faith?
Kneel down and obey.
You're happy you're in love.
You need someone to hate.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist,
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Doesn't anybody ever know...

"This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr... She is Grandfather's Seeing Eye bitch. Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind, but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness. In truth, Father did not purchase her at all, but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs. Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged."

"I was of the opinion that the past is past, and like all that is not now it should remain buried along the side of our memories."

"I have reflected many times upon our rigid search. It has shown me that everything is illuminated in the light of the past. It is always along the side of us, on the inside, looking out. Like you say, inside out. Jonathan, in this way, I will always be along the side of your life. And you will always be along the side of mine. "

"This is not so unusual. "
"What?"
"Not knowing."

"Get in the car. The bitch and the Jew will share the backseat."

"I don't know, why does anybody do anything? It's just... something to do."

"What is it?"
"Soviets."
"What happened?"
[pause]
"Independence."

"No, it does not exist for you. You exist for it. You have come because it exists."

Everything Is Illuminated

"I've never felt the lovin' of a man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand."

And I wonder if men are really capable of love, of un-adulterated, selfless interest in another person, true care and concern. Gnawing somewhere at the tips of my fingers is the belief that you listen more than I know. Pulling on the stitches that hold me together, the broken nerves at every scar, is the familiar comfort of knowing that they all lie.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?"

Well that's alright because I don't expect any more. I don't expect you to last, to stay, to come back. I'm stuck here with the feeling that every(thing) I want never wanted me. And so I no longer want. It wouldn't change anything if I were to say that I wanted you to last, I wanted you to just maybe be the one, that I wanted to make it work. Circumstances wouldn't change, fate still rules.

Oasis: Outta Time

Here's a song.
It reminds me of when we were young.
Looking back at all the things we've done,
You gotta keep on keepin' on.

Out to sea
Is the only place I am asleep.
Can get myself some piece of mind.
You know it's getting hard to fly.

If I'm to fall,
Would you be there to applaud?
Or would you hide behind the law?
Because If I am to go,
In my heart you grow,
And that's where you belong.

Yes I'm out of time,
I'm out of time.

As part of your application for admission, a personal statement is required. We are interested in learning more about your background, talents, and experiences and how you plan to apply them to your education and future. Your statement may be considered as a positive factor to enhance your admissibility, as well as for scholarship consideration. Describe the environment you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and how this environment has affected or influenced your plans for the future.

Let's take a drive down that narrow road,
over that shallow, muddy river,
where I used to fish for carp.
A fish that cannot be eaten
with any enjoyment.

Soon we'll pull up in that small town,
and I can show you the one White Horse
that's all this town has ever had.

And we'll discuss the validity
of the dentist who extracted the life
from his dear cheating wife.

We'll take a walk in the rotting leaves
in a forest where the trees are all that's seen,
to where that innocent girl lay among them,
raped and bleeding while we went about
our useless lives.

It won't take long,
to reach the glass walls of this fishbowl,
but don't mind me if I begin
to sob at the illusion of leaving here.

They say a small town has values.
But the only value here is
the ability to lie and cheat
behind a straight white smile.

Still waters run deep
but shallow pools lay stagnant
with muddy souls and
black hearts.

Here's what we call the castle,
with it's iron gates mounted on ancient oak.
Does this excess of wealth fool you?
The ladies and their pearls,
their diamonds,
their escorts,
Do you believe that there is beauty here?

Let's take a drive...and I'll show you a narrow mind.

Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run but it stays right by my side.
So tear me open, pour me out.
There's things inside that scream and shout,
and the pain still hates me, so hold me until it sleeps.

Just like a curse, just like a stray,
you feed it once and now it stays.

So tear me open, but beware,
there's things inside without a care,
and the dirt still stains me.
So wash me until I'm clean.

So tell me why you've chosen me.
Don't want your grip, don't want your greed.
Don't want it.
Tear me open, make you gone, no more can you hurt anyone.
And the fear still shakes me, so hold me until it sleeps.

Tear me open, make you gone.
No longer will you hurt anyone.
And the hate still shakes me, so hold me up,
until it sleeps.

I want to trace over the letters of your name with an ink that will not fade.

I want to run my fingertips down the line of your backbone and along your scar and the curve of your shoulder blades.

I want to discover the roads you have traveled and the paths you have chosen.

I want to follow you to where your dreams unlock the doors and imagination is your compass.

I want to be surrounded by your words, in whispers that comfort and requests that fulfill.

What do you call love? When it calls for you from a lost dimension.

The perfect day is always tomorrow,
and always seems to come up
a few dollars short,
too many miles long.

Shut me out and I will shut down.

We're living somewhere between
happiness and disaster,
spinning, yet not quite out of control,
just within reach.

Give me your hell and I'll show you my heaven.

Eternal rest can't come soon enough,
but do you believe?
If we must endure pain,
can we choose which stab we prefer?

Save my face and I'll smile for the flash.

In ecstasy I'll die,
in a picture of me
that smiles like nothing
is wrong...ever wrong.

You can write down your law but our sin is written on the walls.

You don't know how hard it is
to turn my headlights into West
and know that I can't go on
forever.

I'm not lost,
just wandering,
through these opaque windows,
and somehow back home.

Is there nothing I can do for you?
Age has withered appeal for me
as you stare at her, and she becomes
a girl without pain in her eyes.

I'm broken again,
losing track of where I've been
and where I found myself,
in-between the layers of your skin...

...I should have stayed.
I should have gone
when angels rent their lungs,
but sin asked me to think of him.

I'd lay your burden down, only
to prove myself weak, and to speak
your thoughts would be
to fulfill your prophesy.

I'll never admit that my face
comes from your dream
(or was it your wraith?) or the
bottle that floods your future.

But still I cannot let you go,
cannot fall asleep, as I fear
that you may sublimate
while I dream of holding you.

-Kate Gubert

You must be made of glass,
the way you break
and don't bend.

The way you shatter,
the way you turn so cold,
so quickly.

You must be made of glass,
the way I can see
right through you.

Like I'm looking in on you,
staring into empty space,
but still you break.

I'm exhausted from handling with care,
in this "look, don't touch"
relationship.

You must be made of glass,
the way you scream and ring
when run my thoughts around you.

The way you polish,
so as to show no soap
stains on the set table.

You must be made of glass,
the way you can cut me,
the way you make me bleed.

You must be made of glass.

-Kate Gubert

[Rough Draft]

Raindrops speckled the car windows of one of Al's Premium Yellow taxi cabs. The light from uniformly spaced sodium vapor lamps hid in the drops and ran with the streams. Why do roads that lead to airports always run through ghettos?

Second shift let out in two hours. She hoped that in that time she would be eighteen-thousand feet above ground with no way to turn around. She didn't want to answer the call that would inevitably come when he got back to apartment 23B on Walnut Ct. She didn't want to explain her absence and the empty closet in the place they called "home." Not that home had had any meaning to either of them in a long time.

"'Scuse me, ma'am. I know I'm not supposed to do this, but it's been a solid ten hours for me today. And, see, with me going to the terminal and all, I know there's gonna be folks needing a cab. And, well, I haven't had a smoke in quite a while..."

She waited for him to finish.

"Ma'am, would you mind awful much if I had a smoke? I wouldn't ask, but you seem like such a nice lady and all."

"I don't mind. Doesn't bother me."

"Oh thank you ma'am! Bless your heart."

"It's alright," She thought. It's alright. Just like he had always told her. "It'll all be alright. I'm here. Don't cry." But was it OK to cry now? Now that he wasn't there? Was it OK to cry now that it wasn't all alright anymore?

There was a note lying on her side of the mattress, written in black ink on the back of last month's cell phone bill.

Danny,
I'm sorry. I meant for this to all work out, but it just seems that we can't. I can't. I'm done trying. You always told me that I run away from my problems. I know, I always try to run. But this time, there's nothing for me to run from. There's nothing here for me anymore. I know it sounds foolish, but it's true. And please don't miss me. You killed me a long time ago, and I've been gone all this time. There's nothing to dwell on. Please just let me go.
Sandy

The cab driver's cigarette glowed in the dark emptiness of the cabin. As he ashed out the window, the embers faded and fell like shooting stars, burned up and worthless.

by Kate Gubert

"We love in vain, narcissistic and so shallow... We love your face, we'd really like to sell you."

I'm not used to having something to lose. Something worth keeping. Worth hanging onto, no matter what the reason.

"I'll be as honest as I feel. I feel like I'm getting more paranoid cause I'm hearing things and they never turn out real... I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving."

The past; I tried to suppress. I stripped it of its name and chased it into the deepest corners of my memory, to the darkest corners. I manipulated what it meant to me and turned from pain into illusory victory. I convinced myself that that was what I too wanted.

"That's when I said 'I love you...but I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have."

Things I feel I need to tell you...not because I expect an answer. I know there is no explanation. There is no reason for why I let everything go. So much more than you know. Without a thought, without a care. I fully expected you to take what you wanted and never return. Maybe that's why I still feel that I owe you more.

"So you sailed away, into a grey-sky morning. Now I'm here to stay..."

So they all left. And left you here. And who would blame me for clinging to you, the only one I've seen in the light of day? The only one I've held for longer than a high.

"I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything, I can cut you into pieces... Please don't leave me."

These are a few of my favorite things...

Rain on my roof and your arms surround me,
Fire-colored leaves and your hands hold onto me.
Pink and black packs, spent; they taste like you,
These are a few things that remind me of you.

Soft white light and a slight breathless tremble,
Blue Moon, green eyes and the image they assemble.
Invincible desire, built so strong but unseen,
These are a few of my favorite dreams.

Fear of failure, needlessly kept you awake,
I never really leave you, part of me you'll never shake.
Frozen pain melts when spoken, and you kissed mine away,
These things I love most, I am never be able to say.

When empty darkness settles,
When self-doubt confines,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember that you are mine,
And then I don't feel so bad.

-Kate Gubert

I'm falling,
and I'm not denying it,
or trying to grab your hand,
cause this time,
I just might fly.

(I just need some space to spread my wings)

When my dream started, I was looking at pictures in a newspaper article of a girl covered in blood. She was crawling on the ground, half bent over, with blood pouring from her mouth and covering her eyes and nose. A man was chasing after her, beating her down with a long bladed knife. As I was being read the article by an enthusiastic, high pitched male voice, a doctor was wrapping my chest in white cotton bandages. The man reading the article was telling me about the incident related to the picture I saw and I soon caught on that I was the girl being stabbed. The man had come into my room while I was sleeping and though I don't remember anything, I had the wounds all over my body to prove that I was the recipient of over 20 gaping knife stabs. The article ended by saying that the victim (myself) died within a day after the attack. However, the article was only just written. I seemed to be the only one affected by the prediction that I was to die of my wounds within a few hours. The doctor told me that I had lost a lot of blood and that I would feel better in a few days and to replace the bandages regularly, although there were no stitches.
After resting for the remainder of the day, my family took me with them to a show downtown. The city was full of lights and we parked in a huge parking structure. Once we parked, I didn't feel so well and decided that I was going to walk home instead of going to the show. My family said they would meet me at home after. I stumbled down the ramps of the parking structure in what seemed like hours and somehow made my way back to our house. It had flooded and the ditches along the road were filled four foot deep with running water. I slipped as I was walking up our driveway and fell into the ditch. My jeans were ripped and shredded on the right leg and I was soaking wet, cold, sore, and muddy. After gingerly crawling into the house I attempted to change into some dry clothes. Blood had seeped through my bandages and was making my clothes stick to me. The wound that was bleeding the most was a gash running horizontally on my left side, just below my arm and stretching a quarter of the way around my body. As I unwrapped the length of bandage, I felt the hole in my chest, where my heart should have been, fill first with air and then blood as the opening gaped to about three inches. I was wondering why I had not gotten stitches, why I was not at a hospital, and why no one seemed to care, or even realize that I was dying.