If I stopped loving people, would they stop hurting me? If I just didn't give a fuck anymore. If I could somehow see how hurting me is so much fun, or how it can be so easy. If I hurt everyone back, would I feel better? I've decided that I will stop getting attached to people. It hurts a lot less when they die or change. But that's selfish, because I'm sure I've changed too, and no one can help change. It is also selfish to think that I am the only one who gets hit with shit. I think I would do very well with out 'friends.' I really think I am not the kind of person who needs people. I spent most of my life without friends anyway. If I kept everything inside, would it just go away? I can't tell my friends anyway. To do that I must first trust them and feel like they will care and understand and listen and not smear my blood all over my white face. This is what happens when someone you trust the most breaks that trust. You never want to trust again. I am afraid. This is what happens when someone you love the most, or everyone you love the most, rejects you. Your love is wasted and I don't want to give it away again. I'm scared. Can't you hear me? Is this the voice of everyone? Am I no different than every Hollywood starlet, every Beecher boy, every convicted murderer, every peace protester and soldier, every grey old lady who prays for the poor souls in purgatory, every angel? Am I being selfish to ask for what I can't truly deserve? Am I hurting everyone else in the process of being selfish? If so, hurting others is surely not enjoyable. Please tell me who I can be mad at. Please tell me who I can talk to. Please tell me who I can trust. Please tell me who I can love. Please tell me I can love. Please. Please.