Well hello out there to everyone who is not listening...
I am tired and stressed and only halfway through the day. I do have a good book to read; The Thirteenth Tale. I have forgotten who the author is, but I like her book all the same. Cds are trying to copy at this moment and, although I hate our home computer, I am writing this now because I am helpless to do anything else and I can not access my blog at school. I got a 100 on my research paper! I am so excited that I am telling everyone. I stayed up till 5:30 am Monday morning to finish that stupid thing. Very interesting stuff though; I enjoyed it very much. I am officially an adult. Seems hard to believe huh? How does it happen that we enter the world of responsibility and decisions and independence overnight? I guess it's now supposed to be that way in theory, just in government. And we all know the driving force and logic of our government.. or we think we do. I have found two of my philosophical theories in the notes from my religion class. I have wondered these things before, but not actually known that they exist outside my own steel trap, or much less in a world religion. First, the idea that everything we see, everything we experience, every distinction we perceive in our "reality" is merely maya, or illusion. I have often entertained the idea, on cold lonely, unfortunately memorable days, that this is all just a dream. Apparently Hindu belief is in this concept. I think that I like my romanticized version better. Buddhists believe that suffering is a way of life, and that all suffering results from desire. Therefore, you must not desire. I have a similar concoction in my head that we should not love, for all love eventually leads to pain. A very unavoidable thing it seems; love. I can very easily refrain from starting a new connection of love, but extinguishing the old is hard. People are easier than things, though. Quite possibly from the American lens of materialism that clouds my perception. I love my car more than I think I should. I know that I am setting myself up for heartbreak, but think about it- People can change, but you never know exactly why or how or a way to bring the old person back. Eventually, you can identify a cause for change in a vehicle, and with the right amount of capitol, it can be repaired. Ahhh, but Nirvana sounds like such a wonderful state to become.

...I have drawn a blank...
...I want to repeat ellipses forever...
...There is a relentless clutching in my chest...