I want you to see me dead and wonder about me. I want to stare back at you with open eyes and watch you cry my tears. I want to feel your touch when my skin is cold and rubbery. I want you to buy me flowers...would you, when I die?...and sit by my side just to listen to me not breathing. I want to know the feeling of having all of my blood drained from my veins and replaced by something cold and expensive. I want to lie in a soft dark space and be perfectly still. I want to know who would come to see me, who would cry, who would apologize and for what. I want to know what music you would play at my funeral and what you would have engraved on my headstone. I want to know the pain of death and laugh because you never knew me. I want to know the pain and dig around until I can find the joy in it.