Life Lessons from SVU

One of my favorite TV shows is Law & Order SVU. I can watch episode after episode and watch the same episode over and over. I'm pretty close to knowing the script for most of the seasons. So, what's the draw? Am I abnormally obsessed with rape, molestation and incest? Hardly. Mostly, I am attracted to the bonds formed between the members of the unit and the way each character responds to the cases they handle. Granted, prime time T.V. is not the most epic example of character development. After about the third season it is fairly easy to pick up on the individuals' values and predict how they will react to certain situations. Despite their personal feelings, the detectives are usually upstanding civil servants and maintain an objective call to duty and equality. But that's not the biggest hook for me. The real catch is the unshakable relationship between Elliott Stabler and Olivia Benson. These two lead detectives offer an beautiful example of loyalty and respect that, it seems, is lacking in many of T.V.'s romantic relationships. Can, or should, a working relationship be an example for a romantic one? I think so. I think it would be better to idolize the integrity of Liv and El in SVU rather than the passionate spontaneity of, say, Rose and Jack in Titanic. SVU's leading characters for twelve years act out of dedication rather than blind affection when it comes to difficult situations. There are many other examples of this sort of relationship. For example, the two lead detectives in AMC's The Killing, Sarah Linden and Stephen Holder. The series begins with two characters who have no interest in anything more than getting the job done, and grow to have a great amount of empathy for each other. I suppose it's natural for this to happen when two people work together... and maybe that is the lesson. Although Liv and El never did end up "together" (mainly, I'm guessing, because the writers already married Elliott off long before season one), it seems like their work created the right foundation for a lifelong relationship. And yes, I cried a little when Elliott left the show. So maybe this could be a good starting point for rebuilding a broken bond; to actually work together. Work towards a goal besides fixing what's emotionally broken. Form a bond of love from a bond created through effort towards something else. You might get so lost in the distracting work that you could forget about the things that work against you.

Observation of the Past, in Human Form

Isn't it nice when you get to see old acquaintances? Well, sometimes. More often then not, it seems awkward. Especially if it is unexpected. Expected reunions are much easier to handle for obvious reasons. You can prepare yourself for the meeting; put on your happy face and recall all the important details of the past ten years of your life in order to eloquently relay them when the other person asks (which they will) and you can imagine the acknowledgments that you will give to the similar questions that they will ask of you ("that's nice," "oh, that's wonderful," "good for you," and "that's life.") Then there's that uneasy moment when you see someone from your past who you were not expecting to see. Maybe you're at the pharmacy picking up a prescription for your embarrassing aliment. Maybe you're walking out of the DMV after dealing with the mean clerk who takes the worst license photos. You might even see someone from your church at the local bar while you're catching up with the bartender who you know on a first-name basis. Of course you're not wondering why they are out on a Tuesday night. You're wondering if they recognize you and if they can tell that you are sloshed at eleven P.M. on a weekday. The first line of defense is to hide your face with your hand and start up a conversation with someone next to you. Thankfully, the lights are dim and the music is loud and distracting (it is the local dive, after all) and you can usually spend about five minutes "hiding." A pep talk to yourself has definitely begun and it can be organized by the odds. Odds are they don't recognize me. Odds are they are just as embarrassed and won't come over to say "hi." Odds are they will soon see how sleazy this place is and they will leave before any of those other possibilities even come into play. And, speaking of play, there's a game on TV. Yes. You came out to watch the game.
So maybe you've successfully avoided the not-so-stranger. If not, your best bet is to be friendly. And you will be because you can't very easily hide once they have recognized you. Even if they do remember your name, they introduce themselves as if you don't remember them. (At this point, it's obvious that you have been avoiding them.) So there's the usual. "How are you." "Fine, and you?" "I'm good, thanks." "What are you up to these days?" ... And the pleasantries will likely lead into some sort of normalcy. You've succeeded in holding it together, and for the rest of the night, you can smile if you pass them on the way out and say "goodnight" and all will be well.
But then again, maybe it is also obvious that you are sitting alone at the bar, and your rekindled familiarity will open the door to a game of pool, or darts, or the offer of a free drink. The free drink is the worst. A game of pool is your best option. See, pool tables were created to be just the size they are because two people standing on either side of one can observe their opponent without being so far away as to be considered a germophobe. There is usually a convenient light above the table that will deflect unwanted direct eye contact. It's the perfect alternative to simply making small talk all night. And in the absence of conversation, there's an opportunity for a little introspection (although it may be frowned upon to do so while tipsy.) He is probably scanning you as well, gathering tidbits of information from a question here and there, analyzing the shots you take and the shots you don't attempt. Sure, you've had your bit of adolescent fun, some crazy nights, some close calls, but when you start picking up on where he has been for the past few years (or decades)... you are bound to come across some shockers. Maybe he's served a stint in jail, or has a few kids and you're subtracting numbers to figure out how old he was then... but whatever comes up, you can't help but compare your life to theirs.
How is it that two people can cross paths so long ago, and have grown up in such similar environments, and veer so far from each other in a short period of time? Or possibly you aren't as different as it first appears. Circumstances can affect everyone in different ways, or perhaps the in the same way with different consequences. Each person's experience may be different, but I'm sure that at least a brief moment of your time will be spent comparing (if you will) yourself to them. Just like any other meeting, you're looking for similarities to find common ground. But you also notice the differences. It's hard not too, with your previous memory of this person as someone like you. Someone so similar. And yet now... seeming so different.

How to Create an Effective Online Dating Profile

With all of the dating profiles out there, it would seem that those who are serious would try to make their profiles as polished and appealing as possible. I'm forever amazed by the amount of profiles that are severely lacking in substance, pizzazz, or just plain common decency. So here I am to offer a little advice to those who venture on their maiden voyage into the virtual bar scene. 

1. Don't post creeper photos. Seriously. We all know what a pedophile or rapist looks like. We've all watched To Catch a Predator and, although we may not be able to put a name with a face that was featured on America's Most Wanted, we can spot the type in a crowd. If you really are a creeper, I can offer no advice. But if you are not, you can still get stuck with a photo that looks like a mug shot. Usually these resemble the plethora of photos that your friends tag you in on facebook. You usually don't remember having them taken and although you may think that it's a flattering angle, you'd just have to put a height scale in the background for it to be your profile shot. If you can't judge your photos objectively without vainly thinking that you look gorgeous in every one, have a trusted ally preview  them before you upload. Please. You will save the anonymous tip line from a major headache. And speaking of friends, let's move on to tip number two.

2. Try to look single. You are on a dating site. You are looking for a potential mate. This implies that you have not already found the perfect woman. So if your scrapbook of photos includes even one shot of you and some of your "friends" and they are all beautiful women, you have failed. If you are trying to set your standards by giving an example of the type of women you consider acceptable to be seem in public with, that's not the way to do it. A woman who views that photo of you (probably looking dorky and starstruck) has already compared herself to those women. More likely than not, she has decided that that is too much competition and she will move on. What's worse than you and your entourage of bombshells? You are your "best friend" who looks much more like your babe than your bro. These photos are usually accompanied by a caption such as "my best friend and I. We're like bother and sister." Oh yeah? That's what they call it now? In addition to the previous argument, any woman who views this photo and reads the caption will also be confronted with the inevitable scrutiny of this girl should she ever meet you. Sisters are ok. Friends like sisters are much more of an obstacle. Must I explain why a photo of you with the entire staff of Hooters girls is a bad idea?

3. Make yourself desirable. You would think that this would be easy. You're single! You're young! You're putting yourself out there! You.... have no job????? Do you know what Monster.com is? I think your internet positioning system needs to be re-calibrated. Women don't want a man who is unemployed. Unless you have your life in order, you're not allowed to bask in the order of a woman's life. This is not to say that women don't understand the current state of affairs and can't accept setbacks. However, if what you put into words on a webpage is all you have to go on, you have to make it jump out and grab that special someone. Most women worth dating have the same basic expectations of men, and one of those is that he must have a job. Sure, if you meet her at a coffee shop and you turn on your charm and wit and you are looking especially dapper, she may talk to you long enough to be able to look past your broke "I'm drinking water because it's healthy" status. But this is online dating. Chances are that prospective mates are scanning over your profile quickly and as soon as they see the word "unemployed" or they read "I'm a free spirit" they will move on. So all those boxes that the website asks you to fill out to give other users a snapshot of "you" are important. Fill them out! There shouldn't even be a section entitled "get to know me first" or "prefer not to answer." Those translate into "I'm ashamed to admit because I'm really a loser and I can't even answer a simple question." It's not mysterious. It's a waste of our time.

I think three points are enough for tonight. Obviously, this won't guarantee that your inbox will be overflowing by tomorrow, but it will keep you from wasting the time of many lonely girls. Think of these as your stepping stones to your dating career! Cheers!

Death Be Not Proud by John Donne

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not soe,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.

Schindler: People die, it's a fact of life. He wants to kill everybody? Great, what am I supposed to do about it? Bring everybody over? Is that what you think? Send them over to Schindler, send them all. His place is a 'haven,' didn't you know? It's not a factory, it's not an enterprise of any kind, it's a haven for rabbis and orphans and people with no skills whatsoever. You think I don't know what you're doing? You're so quiet all the time. I know. I know.

Stern: Are you losing money?

Schindler: No, I'm not losing money, that's not the point.

Stern: What other point is -

Schindler: (interrupting) It's dangerous! It's dangerous to me. You have to understand, Goeth is under enormous pressure. You have to think of it in his situation. He's got this whole place to run, he's responsible for everything that goes on here, all these people - he's got a lot of things to worry about. And he's got the war. Which brings out the worst in people. Never the good, always the bad. Always the bad. But in normal circumstances, he wouldn't be like this. He'd be all right. There'd just be the good aspects of him - which - he's a wonderful crook. A man who loves good food, good wine, the ladies, making money -

Stern: - killing -

Schindler: He can't enjoy it....What do you want me to do about it?

Stern: Nothing, nothing. We're just talking.

Schindler: (He pulls out a slip of paper and reads a name) - Perlman.

Aporia

(in progress)

I’ve spent too long listening, convinced that I cannot sing; that I have no voice. I’ve wasted too much time reading the words of others, imagining that they were my own, so that I’ve lost a belonging to the sound of my own thoughts. I sold them, much too cheaply, to the tune of a chromatic scale and a minor key. I’ve been hidden in words strung together for the sake of a rhyme and drowned out by the overtones. I’m far past the need of a good story, deprived of richly colored literature, pacified by fairy tales and desperately trying to believe in happily ever after. Beauty saturated in words, became deciduous where it was once transient. I’ve been misunderstood, like the freedom of being united and the independence of having someone else protect you. We were washed away with the taste of brine that you became accustomed to. The water washed over me and eroded my mind, fragmenting my imagination, dissolving it with the sands. So the best part of me was lost, deep enough to escape the twinkling spears of moonlit thought.

Kate Gubert

We so often think in life, in numbers.
He's your everything when he's there but
he's only there half the time and
it just doesn't add up.
Working seven days a week but
only forty hours pay and
it just doesn't add up.
One hundred scratches doesn't
satisfy one itch and
it just doesn't add up.
Fool me once, shame on you,
fool me twice, the shame's on me and
it still doesn't add up cause
he's never there, you're overworked and
underpaid, under-praised, and
at the end of a losing game I'm still
in pain made a fool of and...
it just doesn't add up.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine,
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so...

"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. "Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

"In two weeks it'll be the longest day in the year....Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it."

"All right...I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

"He thinks she goes to see her sister in New York. He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive."

"He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

"There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams - not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion."

"Her voice is full of money."

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

-The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Missy Higgins: Where I Stood

I don't know what I've done,
Or if I like what I've begun,
But something told me to run
And honey you know me: it's all or none.
There were sounds in my head.
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end,
Oh, and I found myself listening.

See I thought love was black and white,
That it was wrong or it was right,
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside.

Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you.
All I know is that I should.
Cause she will love you more than I could,
She who dares to stand where I stood.

And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call.
You meant more to me then anyone I've ever loved at all,
But you taught me how to trust myself
And so I say to you; this is what I have to do.

In-between Anger and Love

You didn't wake me,
only encroached upon my dreams.
You gave me reason to wish,
only to deny me the stars.

You tell me it's over,
only to ask me to stay.
You say you can not trust,
yet I forgave without apology.

And this I accuse you of:
careless love.
Don't think I don't believe in you,
you only asked me to.

Our Lady Peace: Superman's Dead

Do you worry that you're not liked?
How long till you break?
You're happy cause you smile,
But how much can you fake?
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name,
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Alone I'm thinking
Why is superman dead?
Is it in my head?
We'll just laugh instead.
You worry about the weather and
Whether or not you should hate.

Are you worried about your faith?
Kneel down and obey.
You're happy you're in love.
You need someone to hate.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist,
But ordinary's just not good enough today.

Doesn't anybody ever know...

"This is Sammy Davis Jr. Jr... She is Grandfather's Seeing Eye bitch. Father purchased her for him not because he believes Grandfather is blind, but because a Seeing Eye bitch is also a good thing for people who pine for the opposite of loneliness. In truth, Father did not purchase her at all, but merely retrieved her from the home for forgetful dogs. Because of this, she is not a real Seeing Eye bitch, and is also mentally deranged."

"I was of the opinion that the past is past, and like all that is not now it should remain buried along the side of our memories."

"I have reflected many times upon our rigid search. It has shown me that everything is illuminated in the light of the past. It is always along the side of us, on the inside, looking out. Like you say, inside out. Jonathan, in this way, I will always be along the side of your life. And you will always be along the side of mine. "

"This is not so unusual. "
"What?"
"Not knowing."

"Get in the car. The bitch and the Jew will share the backseat."

"I don't know, why does anybody do anything? It's just... something to do."

"What is it?"
"Soviets."
"What happened?"
[pause]
"Independence."

"No, it does not exist for you. You exist for it. You have come because it exists."

Everything Is Illuminated

"I've never felt the lovin' of a man
but it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand."

And I wonder if men are really capable of love, of un-adulterated, selfless interest in another person, true care and concern. Gnawing somewhere at the tips of my fingers is the belief that you listen more than I know. Pulling on the stitches that hold me together, the broken nerves at every scar, is the familiar comfort of knowing that they all lie.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?"

Well that's alright because I don't expect any more. I don't expect you to last, to stay, to come back. I'm stuck here with the feeling that every(thing) I want never wanted me. And so I no longer want. It wouldn't change anything if I were to say that I wanted you to last, I wanted you to just maybe be the one, that I wanted to make it work. Circumstances wouldn't change, fate still rules.

Oasis: Outta Time

Here's a song.
It reminds me of when we were young.
Looking back at all the things we've done,
You gotta keep on keepin' on.

Out to sea
Is the only place I am asleep.
Can get myself some piece of mind.
You know it's getting hard to fly.

If I'm to fall,
Would you be there to applaud?
Or would you hide behind the law?
Because If I am to go,
In my heart you grow,
And that's where you belong.

Yes I'm out of time,
I'm out of time.

As part of your application for admission, a personal statement is required. We are interested in learning more about your background, talents, and experiences and how you plan to apply them to your education and future. Your statement may be considered as a positive factor to enhance your admissibility, as well as for scholarship consideration. Describe the environment you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and how this environment has affected or influenced your plans for the future.

Let's take a drive down that narrow road,
over that shallow, muddy river,
where I used to fish for carp.
A fish that cannot be eaten
with any enjoyment.

Soon we'll pull up in that small town,
and I can show you the one White Horse
that's all this town has ever had.

And we'll discuss the validity
of the dentist who extracted the life
from his dear cheating wife.

We'll take a walk in the rotting leaves
in a forest where the trees are all that's seen,
to where that innocent girl lay among them,
raped and bleeding while we went about
our useless lives.

It won't take long,
to reach the glass walls of this fishbowl,
but don't mind me if I begin
to sob at the illusion of leaving here.

They say a small town has values.
But the only value here is
the ability to lie and cheat
behind a straight white smile.

Still waters run deep
but shallow pools lay stagnant
with muddy souls and
black hearts.

Here's what we call the castle,
with it's iron gates mounted on ancient oak.
Does this excess of wealth fool you?
The ladies and their pearls,
their diamonds,
their escorts,
Do you believe that there is beauty here?

Let's take a drive...and I'll show you a narrow mind.

Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run but it stays right by my side.
So tear me open, pour me out.
There's things inside that scream and shout,
and the pain still hates me, so hold me until it sleeps.

Just like a curse, just like a stray,
you feed it once and now it stays.

So tear me open, but beware,
there's things inside without a care,
and the dirt still stains me.
So wash me until I'm clean.

So tell me why you've chosen me.
Don't want your grip, don't want your greed.
Don't want it.
Tear me open, make you gone, no more can you hurt anyone.
And the fear still shakes me, so hold me until it sleeps.

Tear me open, make you gone.
No longer will you hurt anyone.
And the hate still shakes me, so hold me up,
until it sleeps.

I want to trace over the letters of your name with an ink that will not fade.

I want to run my fingertips down the line of your backbone and along your scar and the curve of your shoulder blades.

I want to discover the roads you have traveled and the paths you have chosen.

I want to follow you to where your dreams unlock the doors and imagination is your compass.

I want to be surrounded by your words, in whispers that comfort and requests that fulfill.

What do you call love? When it calls for you from a lost dimension.

The perfect day is always tomorrow,
and always seems to come up
a few dollars short,
too many miles long.

Shut me out and I will shut down.

We're living somewhere between
happiness and disaster,
spinning, yet not quite out of control,
just within reach.

Give me your hell and I'll show you my heaven.

Eternal rest can't come soon enough,
but do you believe?
If we must endure pain,
can we choose which stab we prefer?

Save my face and I'll smile for the flash.

In ecstasy I'll die,
in a picture of me
that smiles like nothing
is wrong...ever wrong.

You can write down your law but our sin is written on the walls.

You don't know how hard it is
to turn my headlights into West
and know that I can't go on
forever.

I'm not lost,
just wandering,
through these opaque windows,
and somehow back home.

Is there nothing I can do for you?
Age has withered appeal for me
as you stare at her, and she becomes
a girl without pain in her eyes.

I'm broken again,
losing track of where I've been
and where I found myself,
in-between the layers of your skin...

...I should have stayed.
I should have gone
when angels rent their lungs,
but sin asked me to think of him.

I'd lay your burden down, only
to prove myself weak, and to speak
your thoughts would be
to fulfill your prophesy.

I'll never admit that my face
comes from your dream
(or was it your wraith?) or the
bottle that floods your future.

But still I cannot let you go,
cannot fall asleep, as I fear
that you may sublimate
while I dream of holding you.

-Kate Gubert